Seeds of Change

Change is difficult at any age. Allowing myself to reflect invokes so much empathy for our children, whose world is constantly in flux thus constantly demanding them to change. A dynamic world, a place of constant expansion and retraction. We have worked so hard as a family unit and as individuals to change ourselves over the past six months. With luck and a lot of effort, we are reaping the benefits. And the most beautiful part about it comes from the fact that our children were the inspiration and direction for this catharsis.

It was after Jonah's 'diagnosis' that I looked long and hard at my own life, my own temperament. I clearly needed to change in order for him to thrive. After months of even more sadness and anger ensued, I started to accept the terms. He came to us because he needs us and we need him. He is teaching us to be better people, better parents by easing his way in this enormous world of ours.

I had one week of pure freedom, pure soulful living right around the holidays. It was peaceful, and while our lives continued to be tumultuous, I made the conscious choice not to be. Rather quickly, the children took the cue and also found a higher place within themselves from which to perceive the world. We all rose above the mind's negativity and saw that life can be more peaceful than ever.

It was so gratifying to find this place within myself, to feel such a powerful love source. I now know where to find it though some days my mind's eye darkens my path making travel conditions treacherous. The opportunity lies in each day we are given, in each moment. For me, I strive to be better every moment I live knowing I will falter and knowing I will stand up again and do better.

Veggie Loaf

This recipe makes one large or two smaller loaves.


3/4 cups brown lentils, picked over and rinsed
2 1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup bulgar
1/2 cup cooked brown rice
2 tbs olive oil
2 onions, chopped fine
1 celery rib, chopped fine
1 carrot, chopped fine
1 leek, chopped fine
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 ounces dried mushrooms
8 ounces mushrooms
1 cup cashews
2 1/4 cup panko
3 eggs


Prepare the lentils by boiling in 3 1/2 cups of water and 1 tsp salt. Reduce to simmer and cook uncovered  until they are just beginning to fall apart, about 25 minutes. Drain well. While lentils cook, bring 1 3/4 cup water to a boil and add the bulgar and 1/2 tsp salt. Let stand off heat for 20 minutes. Drain in a fine mesh strainer. Set aside along with lentils.
Rehydrate dried mushrooms by boiling in water for 3 minutes (1 oz dried ~ 4 ounces raw).

Saute onions, celery, garlic, and leek on medium-high heat until they begin to brown, about 10 minutes. Set aside. In same skilled heat remaining oil and add mushrooms cooking until golden brown, about 12 minutes. Let cooked veggies cool on a baking sheet. Combine lentils, bulgar, brown rice, and vegetables in a large bowl.

Process cashews in a food processor until finely chopped. In same processor, add half of the veggie-lentil-grain mixture and pulse until cohesive but roughly textured. Repeat as necessary. Return to bowl and add eggs and panko. Mix well and shape into loaf. Bake at 375 until internal temperature reads 160 degrees.

The Light

I find it invigorating to be planning a garden in the dead of winter. It rekindles my soul, reminding me we are past the darkest winter days. The northern hemisphere is indeed tilting back toward the sun again. It gives me hope to think of the warmth that will soon warm our soil, and then from it feed our bodies.

Our coldest weeks are surely to come as they always do in late January and early February. I attend to the important task of planning our garden for this growing season. The first growing season in years without any foreseeable obstacles except the obvious: time. I have high ambitions of transforming our small, compact growing space into an even more productive vegetable garden than in the past.

We just built new propogation shelves for our veggies, herbs and flowers. In two weeks time we will sow and anxiously await the first signs of spring: tomato, eggplant and pepper germination!!

The Medium

Last spring in the midst of an enormous remodel we built 2 raised vegetable beds in the front yard, replacing our tomato beds we built in 2003. The new beds total about 110 square feet. This year we plan to add 3 more, the size and location of which have yet to be determined. The challenge is that our front addition diminished our afternoon sunlight while at the same time our boulevard trees continue to thrive, thus shading our yard for longer periods in the morning. We also need to find a balance between aesthetics and practicality; it needs to both be appealing as a landscape feature while standing up to our day-to-day gardening exploits.

We no longer have chickens in the backyard as we gave them away in the fall. It was time for a break. When the boys are old enough to participate in the care of the hens we will build a new coop and raise chickens once more. We also hope to redo the backyard now that the chickens are gone. This will give the boys a little more room to roam when we're at home, and possibly more room to grow food or flowers - or both.

Our lovely aspaliered apple trees are yet to produce a bumper crop but I am hopeful this might be their year. John labors so delicately over them and I know he anticipates the spring when the buds swell. He meticulously inspects them, theorizing which ones may be blossoms. The rest of our cane fruits and berries are all doing well, despite our ongoing transplanting to different areas of the yard.

My other passion in the yard is my new perennial bed. Now in addition to the boulevard flower beds I have about one third of the front yard with flowering shrubs, perennials and ornamental grasses. My inspiration comes from the many lovely butterfly gardens nearby and I hope the monarchs come to our yard in a few years. We are just beginning to establish their host plants so it will probably take them a season or two to find us.

Beginning Anew

Here I go again. I have made the decision over the course of the past few months to start yet another blog. Not that there is time in our busy lives for this. What precipitates this? There have been numerous stories I wanted to share with friends and family but no good resting place for these thoughts. I have no idea for how long or to what extent I plan to carry this out, but for now I am feeling the need to write. I hope you enjoy these ramblings. Please let me know what you think.

The blog title comes from a fortune cookie I got a year ago which stated, "In the garden of your dreams great things will grow."